I have what Dan Savage calls a “death grip” when I masturbate. I don’t use lube. It works great for solo action but not mutual masturbation or sexual encounters. Do you have any suggestions on modifying long-engrained practices?

A lot of people have asked this question since Dan popularized the phrase. Even though he has walked it back and now reminds everyone to not call it that, he still gives the same advice and I agree: You have to deny your dick the familiar stimulus until your brain forges new neural pathways.

That means you may have to go without orgasms for a while, but stick with it. Do anything but what you’re addicted to and your need to cum will eventually find a way. It is very, very hard to break some habits. Just keep trying until you make it.

Here are some relevant resources for you. Both should be helpful:

Sept 22 2015 Savage Lovecast: Episode 465
August 28, 2015 Mike Pearl article on VICE

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