Sex Ed: Ruts

I’m not an expert in human sexuality, but I have lots of opinions and I talk to a lot of actual experts. You really should ask them for advice because what I offer are opinions.

Opinion: Comprehensive sex education should teach everyone how to have great sex.

There’s a phenomenon known as “Death-grip syndrome” (DGS), described as “… suffering adverse effects from one’s aggressive and recurrent male masturbation technique.”

The name comes from how some men will always masturbate with a very tight grip or some other aggressive technique, rendering them seemingly incapable of sexual pleasure, erection or orgasm in any other way. It’s a deep rut we dig ourselves into by doing the same damn thing over and over and over, and not being taught early-on that there are maybe possibly other ways of doing things.

Habit/routine/karma are naturally built into human activity. When we like something, we repeat it and when we dislike something, we avoid it. For me, the key takeaway of DGS is the sameness, not the death grip itself.

Men should be educated early on that variety keeps sexual pleasure alive and fun. Intensity alone isn’t enough for this bator and it’s a problem at group masturbation gatherings because guys like my penis and I almost always say yes if someone asks to touch it, but then they start pistoning it hard and within minutes, my penis is completely numb. The aggressive dick-flogging technique isn’t for me and I’m rarely open to taking time to educate the guy on how to listen, pay close attention to response and stimulate according to that, not just that animal wap wap wap.

No offense to animal sex… or animalistic human sex. This actually isn’t that but a kind of performative heat. Sex is best for me when it comes out of close attention in the moment and response to my response.

And I see some guys always masturbate the exact same way and wonder how many of them aren’t addicted to masturbation so much as stuck in a technique rut.

I have a rule I set for myself some years ago: No utilitarian orgasms. By that, I mean any orgasm to just get it over, kill time, blunt libido, cure blue balls or go to sleep. I masturbate for those purposes but I also never masturbate for less than 15 minutes (another rule) and I always give myself over to the experience of self love, riding a few edges before I ejaculate. So even if the purpose is utilitarian, the orgasm itself still provides me a full dose of adrenaline, dopamine, oxytocin and even the dreaded prolactin.

And I recognize habits so I can break them. The Jacks provides an opportunity for lots of partner novelty, though activity kind of defaults to mutual stroking while standing or sitting, but I will sometimes seek out someone to scissor with (a.k.a., King of Clubs) or I’ll just give or receive a slow hand job, ideally switching off between edges, or I’ll stand or sit apart from the scene and just watch while I pilot my own penis while others watch me, and standing very close beside another bator while we stroke ourselves, but touching and stimulating everything but penises.

At home, I’ll skip the porn and/or the cam, or read erotica, or phone bone with someone or just talk myself off. I’l skip or switch lube, use different cock rings, switch hands, wear some clothes… Really, there are so many creative ways to keep masturbation fresh and exciting, and the exact same dynamic applies to partner sex.

Why shouldn’t we be taught optimal sexual pleasure from the start of our sexual awakening? There are ways to do this that will save these kids a lifetime of sub-optimal sex.

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