Numerous couples attend pretty much every Jacks gathering. All of them play at different levels, presumably according to agreements or just whatever works for them. There are couples who only attend together and others who trade off events and attend separately. Some arrive together and then separate to play with whoever they like before leaving together, and some stick together throughout an event, only playing with others while engaged with each other.

I have also seen men partner with guys they meet at the Jacks and then they disappear from the gatherings, possibly pursuing exclusivity, and I have seen those arrangements change over time. Everyone negotiates their relationships differently. For many Jacks members, both new and established, those relationships successfully incorporate group masturbation.

I have been with my mate for 26 years. He’s been to just two Jacks events, mainly at my insistence that he see what I do and remove secrecy and ambiguity from our marriage as much as possible. In my experience, sex with others isn’t the problem. Deceit is.

The band system is a working shorthand for consent. It’s not meant to be a rigid, doctrinaire thing, but a useful tool that individuals can adapt as it works best for them. Ultimately, every man is responsible for establishing and enforcing his personal boundaries, regardless of what they are or how they may change from moment to moment or from one playmate to another. What we try to do is remind everyone that consent is a thing, that they get to decide who interacts with their own penis and how, and that everyone needs to respect and honor the boundaries of others.

That’s a long-winded way of saying it’s no big deal. 

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