I get it. There are two sex counselors I am aware of in Seattle who regularly refer clients to Rain City Jacks but have each told me personally that they can not attend for exactly the reasons you cite. It’s simply a sacrifice you take on as an ethical professional.
I can only say that there are a few other jack-off clubs in the United States that can be part of a person’s experience. It would simply be a special occasion kind of thing rather than a regular element of one’s sex life. I wish that were not the case, but I understand that part of your challenge.
Creating an organized jack-off group—something that’s safe, consistent, true to its purpose and ongoing—can be a daunting venture. In some places, it’s downright impossible due to anti-sex legal and social barriers. Precious few Americans really experience anything like “balance” in their sex lives.
My first suggestion is always to go to where there are successful organizations operating and experience it several times. Get real experience of it yourself and do it long enough to work through some of the layers of resistance that arise for everyone in our culture. There are enormous and deeply rooted belief structures that assume masturbation and same-sex play are aberrant and even evil. Don’t underestimate those belief structures. They are woven into the fabric of our culture and all of its systems.
Go to the New York Jacks web site and study their Links page. It contains numerous referrals to active groups around the world, as well as related resources on the web that support the culture of positive, shared masturbation.
Do your research and then seek out a club you can get to and go. Yes, you may have to travel, spend money and get out of your comfort zone, but don’t fool yourself that this is a frivolous exercise because it’s “just masturbation.” That’s the voice of those anti-sex belief systems. Go and experience all of it yourself. GO back again and again. Explore other clubs and see how different they are.
You can also search craigslist for small connections with locals, but that’s a bit more dangerous. Most of the men doing this are successfully making those connections, though.
Bottom line is this: Don’t try to reinvent a JO club until you have direct, personal experience of them. They’re not a panacea, although they do offer something valuable and unique to many men who are specifically missing the benefits jack-off clubs offer.
As for avoiding the public eye and staying honest, depending on where you live, that’s probably less of an issue than you might suspect. It’s also another huge topic and would make this response even longer than it already is… which is too long.
Sorry about that… and good luck!