Big Tent

One of my go-to sex sites is It’s a masturbation-centric zone focused on diverse men, penis and all the tangential elements of masturbation. It is a very specific online culture I mostly enjoy and has become a frequent resource for my own self-love experience. It adds a social aspect through sharing of the masturbation experience that is, in my estimation, richer than many cruising, porn or camming sites.

Recently, a member posted a poll there asking the question, “Is bating enough?” It drew upon the frequently made assumption that “bating” is not “actual sex.” It sparked some terrific commentary and I would like to share my own. BW members can view the complete thread at this link.

This is an interesting question and I appreciate the other comments here.

For the sake of my own clarity, I personally define “masturbation” as solosex. I also define “solosex” as “actual” sex. The terms are, for me, just ways of differentiating various modes of sexual expression. I don’t distinguish any of those expressions as being “not sex.”

I’m a sexually active man. BW has grown to be a frequent part of my self-love, though I am also mindful of having me-time without any external enhancements, distractions or connections. I also love connecting physically with other men in a wide range of ways from friendly touching to mutual and group bate and every kind of penetrative sex that is appropriate for the individuals involved. I don’t see BW in opposition to any other mode of sexual expression, but as a fantastic and unique social aspect of my sex life.

I also experience all of what I’ve mentioned as “actual sex.” I feel far more comfortable just discarding more restrictive definitions of one form of play being “sex” and others being “not sex.” For me, it’s like hearing music or seeing light: Even a distant echo of a tune or a glimmer of light is still music, still light. Even an energized touch from a stranger awakens a process in me that connects to my sexual self, and I experience that as part of the sexual smorgasbord. For me, self-love is sex as much as fucking is sex. If my body is on ANY point of the journey through arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution, I am experiencing “sex.” Sex is, for me, a big tent with countless options within.

It’s pointless for me to step inside that big tent and pretend that I’m not there because I’m not doing one specific thing or another. I think that’s too narrow and fundamentalist a view of my erotic human nature.

Love life. Wade in.

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