While I have been cured of prostate cancer, the surgery left me unable to ejaculate sperm. I am able to have an intense orgasm and have strong erections and passion, but there is no reward for a partner at the end… I am embarrassed by this and don’t know how to best handle opportunities such as I would have at RCJ as I did regularly a few rears ago. It is a great place for men! There should be a place when guys with my issue could get together without the guilt. What do you think?

You’ve got a real challenge, I agree, and there are lots of men like you. There is a guy who comes to Rain City Jacks almost every event and he has retrograde ejaculations, which also produce no visible semen. He makes more noise than almost anyone I know and every regular at the club knows him by his orgasm sounds…He has no personal energy around his non-productive orgasms, although he does have the intense ejaculation response… just no semen. He is very likeable and sweet and that is why everyone likes him. Nobody gives a shit about his ejaculations and it doesn’t prevent anyone from playing with him.

What I think (and this is truly just my opinion. I’m no expert) is this: Talk to a good therapist about your own unhappiness with the situation and don’t limit yourself to playing only with “guys with my issue.” There is no reason on earth that you should feel guilt! What you have is an opportunity for a new level of self awareness and self acceptance, a new way to come out and find a more authentic life where you are exactly who you are and you find and claim your piece of joy in life. 

I don’t think other people are the issue. Be gentle with yourself but make a solid decision that you’re going to love yourself, love your body, be grateful for your cancer-free life and go for what you want. If what you want is to come to the Jacks, then do it. I will happily share your strong erection, your passion and if you will allow me, to share your intense orgasm. Semen is just one small part of the process at the end. You will be surprised at how many men won’t think it’s a big deal, particularly since you have the part that so many men lack: the strong erections and the passion.

It may take some time to find your way back to your center of personal comfort and acceptance, but everyone in the world has some limitation or other. Take care of yourself first and know that even without loads of cum, you can be close to men, share pleasure, happiness and joy with your loved ones and with yourself, and you can have those things anytime you want.

You are one man with one life, just like me. We have all lost something we will never get back. That is how living works. Grieve for what is lost and let your grief be the basis for the value you place on the life you have. Dig into it and live it with passion. I mean that.

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