Thursday, September 2, 2010

Frequent Question Number 19: How many guys are usually at one of your parties?

Answer: Usually somewhere between 50 and 75. The average these days is about 65 guys per event.

Reaction: 65?! That’s a lot of guys!

Typical Followup Question for Number 19: “Um… do you ever hold smaller events??”

I understand how we all get trapped in our expectations, fantasies, nightmares, daydreams, delusions and prejudices. We have this incredible parade of scenes running at full-bore all day. The time we spend obsessively focusing on mindless tasks can be something of a relief because it is mindless. It takes us out of this diarrhea of the mind we all have…

It’s a universal human habit to form these thoughts into stories and believe in some of them. I think most of our lives are in our heads, especially our relationships. We are mired in stinking thinking 24/7 and… it seems that is just the way we are. It’s perfectly normal, perfectly human to believe in the stuff we think up, even if it generates fear and superstition and wrong ideas that provoke bad judgment…

The Tibetan Wheel of Life is a representation of the condition of humanity, the Karmic Wheel of birth, death and rebirth. It’s an awesome set of ideas set in pictures and one of them is a monkey swinging from branch to branch, which is understood to represent (among other things) the restless nature of the mind, our tendency to grasp one idea and swing on to the next to grasp another and another and another…

I set myself up long ago as the go-to guy for questions about the club and group JO in general. I mainly did it because when I first started out, it was easiest to just answer questions myself and I never got a volunteer to take it on for me. I mostly get asked where events are held, how to join, what to bring, if it’s anonymous, what are the guys like, will I be too fat? WIll I feel too out of place? Is my dick too small? Am I too old? 

The questions people ask are always clues to who they are. I do my best to be positive, calm, clear, matter-of-fact, and not rushed when I take a phone call for the club, and the “how many guys" question is absolutely reasonable. Of course it is.

The shock at how many guys attend a typical event tells me a lot about a guy. He’s probably nervous, so I do my best to just be relaxed and let him know that he doesn’t have to touch or be touched by anyone unless he chooses to be. I can also tell he’s probably never been to a bathhouse, because most bathhouses get more naked bodies than we do any night of the week. He may also not end up comfortable in a large group, so it may be an indicator that he will not like the club…

Of course, you don’t play with all 65 men at a typical event any more than you eat everything at a smörgåsbord. Most members, new and experienced alike, play with somewhere between one and four guys per event, although some of us to sample more variety (I tend to average a little more than four, but I’m usually there for most of the event) but we also gravitate to specific partners who have the right chemistry for us, and are likely to orgasm with just one guy (although group orgasms happen all the time, it seems like a personal connection is naturally preferred for many Jacks. Not all of course, but many). So it’s not surprising that guys often ask about smaller events. I just tell them that we don’t. We don’t have the resources to host small events, but also, it is not what the club is about, which is a social sexual experience.

Also, many men will park themselves somewhere and not move around a lot. They stick to one sofa, or lean against one wall, or lie back on a bed for an hour or more, waiting for the appropriate playmates to find them. We also have the red band system (a signal that means, "Don’t touch my cock”) so a few men are strictly watching and enjoying the view during solitary play.

I would say the only real problem with the number of men is the natural tendency to get distracted by all the variety of naked, masturbating men. Most of us get off by our own hand or that of one buddy, maybe two, but it can be a real challenge to focus on the matter at hand when your eyes are being pulled this way and that, and when it’s so easy to move on when your penis needs a break. If you’re with a buddy who can stay focused in the moment, and on one partner, he can be turned off by the constant darting of eyes as we get distracted by every shiny knob that passes into our field of vision…

I advise newbies, generally after their first event, to not try to pig out at the smorgasbord, but to take their time until they find someone who pushes their buttons, and then ignore the parade and let themselves get lost in the moment of timeless focus with one or maybe two fellow members, either accepting or giving pleasure. The presence of the other men in the room can actually become an erotic background to intimate one-on-one connections… which may sound strange in the context of a sex party with five or six dozen horny men…

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