After 45 years of being a celibate I’d like more balance. A group like RCJ feels like it could potentially support wholeness. So – if I was to ask a question it would be how to participate in creating a group like this without being in the public eye or lying? btw, I couldn’t imagine jackin men I counseled and mentored… it would feel like incest.

I get it. There are two sex counselors I am aware of in Seattle who regularly refer clients to Rain City Jacks but have each told me personally that they can not attend for exactly the reasons you cite. It’s simply a sacrifice you take on as an ethical professional.

I can only say that there are a few other jack-off clubs in the United States that can be part of a person’s experience. It would simply be a special occasion kind of thing rather than a regular element of one’s sex life. I wish that were not the case, but I understand that part of your challenge.

Creating an organized jack-off group—something that’s safe, consistent, true to its purpose and ongoing—can be a daunting venture. In some places, it’s downright impossible due to anti-sex legal and social barriers. Precious few Americans really experience anything like “balance” in their sex lives.

My first suggestion is always to go to where there are successful organizations operating and experience it several times. Get real experience of it yourself and do it long enough to work through some of the layers of resistance that arise for everyone in our culture. There are enormous and deeply rooted belief structures that assume masturbation and same-sex play are aberrant and even evil. Don’t underestimate those belief structures. They are woven into the fabric of our culture and all of its systems.

Go to the New York Jacks web site and study their Links page. It contains numerous referrals to active groups around the world, as well as related resources on the web that support the culture of positive, shared masturbation.

Do your research and then seek out a club you can get to and go. Yes, you may have to travel, spend money and get out of your comfort zone, but don’t fool yourself that this is a frivolous exercise because it’s “just masturbation.” That’s the voice of those anti-sex belief systems. Go and experience all of it yourself. GO back again and again. Explore other clubs and see how different they are.

You can also search craigslist for small connections with locals, but that’s a bit more dangerous. Most of the men doing this are successfully making those connections, though.

Bottom line is this: Don’t try to reinvent a JO club until you have direct, personal experience of them. They’re not a panacea, although they do offer something valuable and unique to many men who are specifically missing the benefits jack-off clubs offer.

As for avoiding the public eye and staying honest, depending on where you live, that’s probably less of an issue than you might suspect. It’s also another huge topic and would make this response even longer than it already is… which is too long.

Sorry about that… and good luck!

Do you know of any small groups into popper bating in Seattle?

I don’t know of any ongoing, organized small groups of bators of any kind. What I am aware of is small, informal gatherings happening privately. Those may or may not include poppers, but I assume a few do.

The best ways I’m aware of to organize or find small groups is through craigslist and bateworld. search for “stroke” and “buddies” at craigslist and search for “Seattle” in bateworld.

Hey Paul, Just found out about RCJ and I am entirely thrilled to try this and it has generated tons of questions, a lot of which you have answered here and elsewhere. Some things I have not found: Do you guys often have couples attend? Concerning the band system: if one guy is red and another green, is it a faux pa for the red guy to initiate on the green guy? It would seem to me to be an issue if they could not reciprocate. I will probably ask more but I did want to say thanks for a great blog

Numerous couples attend pretty much every Jacks gathering. All of them play at different levels, presumably according to agreements or just whatever works for them. There are couples who only attend together and others who trade off events and attend separately. Some arrive together and then separate to play with whoever they like before leaving together, and some stick together throughout an event, only playing with others while engaged with each other.

I have also seen men partner with guys they meet at the Jacks and then they disappear from the gatherings, possibly pursuing exclusivity, and I have seen those arrangements change over time. Everyone negotiates their relationships differently. For many Jacks members, both new and established, those relationships successfully incorporate group masturbation.

I have been with my mate for 26 years. He’s been to just two Jacks events, mainly at my insistence that he see what I do and remove secrecy and ambiguity from our marriage as much as possible. In my experience, sex with others isn’t the problem. Deceit is.

The band system is a working shorthand for consent. It’s not meant to be a rigid, doctrinaire thing, but a useful tool that individuals can adapt as it works best for them. Ultimately, every man is responsible for establishing and enforcing his personal boundaries, regardless of what they are or how they may change from moment to moment or from one playmate to another. What we try to do is remind everyone that consent is a thing, that they get to decide who interacts with their own penis and how, and that everyone needs to respect and honor the boundaries of others.

That’s a long-winded way of saying it’s no big deal. 

How is your recovery from surgery coming along? Any cool scars?

Thanks for asking and I’m sorry it took almost a year to respond!

The masterful surgical scar from my hamstring surgery runs perfectly along the natural crease at the bottom of my left butt cheek. Unless I specifically point it out, nobody sees or notices it unless they’re closely examining my ass.

Are poppers allowed at RCJ?

No. Popper use is counter to our no drugs policy, but it’s also a problem for men sensitive to aromas of all kinds. It’s not a judgement against poppers, just one of the many considerations that go into organizing healthy group sex. 

Can you post a video on techniques to masturbating , like different hand movements and what you can do to improve pleasure

Hi friend! That’s a great idea… but I try to stick to opinion and philosophy myself. For me, the blog is mainly about writing honestly about sex.

There is an excellent blog I can recommend though. Masturbators’ Sanctum has a huge treasure chest of information about masturbation, as well as countless examples of techniques and smart discourse about virtually every aspect of the most prevalent sexual activity of our species: male masturbation. I heartily recommend it.

Hey there! I’m johnny! Would love to chat. I am coming to Seattle in September. Can we hang out?

Hi Johnny. Thanks for offering! I love hanging out and as hot as hooking up with strangers can be, I always need to see current photos first (including faces) to even consider it, and then I need to meet in a public place to get a sense of compatibility and safety. Hanging out 1-on-1 has to be a little complicated for me personally.

That said, there are two Rain City Jacks event in September 2017 (they were just scheduled). They’re both on Monday nights: September 11 and 25, starting at 6:30. There’s a lot of safety built into the structure of JO clubs so it’s a lot easier to negotiate play. Check our calendar of events to see if one of our gatherings coincides with your visit.

Hey man! I only recently came across “jack off clubs” and just wanted to make a few enquiries so who better to ask than the Godfather of RCJ. First of all, as a man in my 20s, I was wondering how many people on average usually attend these events around my age (18-25)? The second thing is, does the club permit the act of fingering one’s self? I’m sure, as you know, the stimulation of the prostate heightens orgasm greatly for most people. Thanks in advance!

Hi buddy. I don’t know if I ever answered this because I just saw it. 

Most men at JO clubs are around 45, but the range is all over the place and we have members as young as 20. There are always a small number of men in their twenties at every event, but as I said, they’re a minority. Some just play with other guys their own age, some play with everybody and some specifically like certain types of guys. In other words, they’re like everyone else! 🙂

We don’t permit any kind of anal contact. And I agree that it feels amazingly good. If I’m masturbating and a buddy just lightly touches my hole, it sends instant waves of pleasure through my penis and can make me cum. The reason it’s not permitted is because it’s group sex and this is the easiest way to spread certain easy-to-share diseases to lots of men.