Dream Men and Real Boys

It’s clear that I like images of hairy, macho guys. White guys with muscles and body hair and stiff, cut penises and I like to see them spend time masturbating, displaying their pleasure, getting lost and losing concern for how they sound or where the cum flies when they orgasm.

But all of my life, when encountering them out in the world, I’ve considered men like this to be absolute dicks. I would never give them the time of day or want to spend any time with them. I don’t even like having sex with them IRL. Yes, I experience a few moments of initial interest and flattery that they’re into me but it never takes long for me to lose interest. I don’t cum when I have sex with macho men.

In real life, where flesh meets flesh, I’m into variety and presence and energy above all. In real life, I like men who aren’t white. In real life, what matters to me is mutual engagement and a sense of joyful, shameless heat.

The only things that are consistent between my spank bank and real life is I need my penises erect and I’m not into fucking. If a guy can’t achieve an erection, I can’t sustain interest and will only continue out of generosity and for his pleasure, not mine. I will not cum with a guy who doesn’t get hard. I require that evidence of his pleasure to experience my own.

When a man has to fuck or more commonly, be fucked, I’m just not down for it. I’ve accommodated some guys but maybe once in a year or two will I achieve an orgasm this way and once I’m fucking a guy, it’s pretty much a guarantee I will not cum with him.

I like to touch and taste men. I like to use my hands and my mouth and be treated in kind. Yes, my hole loves to be touched but a finger is all I need and that only rarely. The thought of fucking is way more interesting to me than the reality.

And I’m also intensely attracted to fem guys who are totally who they are. If a man is hairy and sexually connected and also obviously, outwardly “gay” seeming, that’s a huge plus for me. I want to suck his cock and I want his mouth on mine.

Imagination is so exciting but once you get out of your head and into the real world of bodies and sensations and smells, it’s interesting how what works IRL can diverge from what we masturbate over in front of our computers. If you have a similar experience, consider that the next time you’re flipping through Scruff profiles.


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This works for me on many levels, but primarily in the natural joy exhibited. We can all see many different ways of expressing how we feel or the kind of impression we want to make when we expose our bate on the Internet. JJ is exhibiting joy here, love and pride and amazement in what his body does and how his penis looks and feels in the moment. I’m proud to share this video with my own followers. This is honest, joyful masturbation.

Hi! I wanted to know your thoughts about hosting a jack-off club in a hotel. Would the organizers need to get permission from the hotel management ahead of time? And how would they handle asking the attendees to chip in money for the room? I know that in many places it’s not feasible to host a jack-off club in a private home or a non-hotel public place. Just wondering what you thought about it. Thanks for your terrific blog.

Hey Cowboy,

When I first started Rain City Jacks, I got a big suite in a local, mid-level hotel. I specified top floor and a corner room to maximize privacy. I organized the event through the Yahoo Group I set up to start the Jacks and I simply asked everyone to not be loud in the room. 

The first time I hosted in a hotel room, I operated on the honor system, communicating the room number privately just before the event start and just asking for a $10 donation to help defray the cost of the room. I ended up shelling out for the room from my own pocket and most of the guys flaked out, leaving a room big enough for 20 guys with only seven. The next time, I used PayPal to pre-reserve, require pre-payment and no refunds. If you wanted to come, you had to invest $20. I instantly saw the flakes virtually disappear and had an almost-full house. The money collected paid for the room, Albolene, paper towels, refreshments and my rides to and from the hotel.

I hosted about five events at that hotel before I located a long-term location. During that time, I also found volunteers who really wanted to help keep it going. Turned out that the pre-pay option led to attendees who were far more invested in the experience than just men who wanted to get off and didn’t care whether they showed up or not. I discovered how the fees charged represented value to members, mostly, how much they valued the experience.

I never asked permission. I paid for the room and invited visitors to join me there, just as many people do. I just had more than most. Yes, there may have been some violation of rules, but what were were doing was and is, technically, legal. As each guy arrived, he had to sign an agreement stating that he was there voluntarily of their own volition, accepted his responsibility to follow the rules and waived liability for damages.

Regardless of the venue, it’s always good for JO clubs to be good neighbors and renters. Pretty much across the board, I’ve found that every JO club I’ve researched has great relationships with their landlords, added to by the perception of “safe sex,” the lack of alcohol and drugs, and a propensity to just clean up after ourselves. That’s one reason why JO clubs tend to last.

Location is the single biggest hurdle to operating a jack-off club or just hosting one party. Hotels have served for this purpose for a very, very long time. This is nothing new. As long as you practice good judgement and be a good neighbor to the other folks staying in the hotel, you’re probably not going to have any problems.

… I find that I deal daily with some form of reticence about sex, so it’s great that you share openly with such a positive approach. It’s a simple act of sharing, but its important. -Ernie

I think we all deal with reticence about sex, at least in Western civilizations. In the original meaning of the word “reticence,” we’re reluctant to even speak about it, much less experience it with untainted joy. Today is the first day of Masturbation Month and my thoughts after I masturbated this morning were about how we learn to hide it when we’re kids. While I masturbated, I was doing a lot of very basic positive self-talk about simply loving my penis and loving how good masturbating feels. It always feels like self-care to affirm the fundamental goodness of my body and my sexual expression, specifically because I share the same early negative conditioning.

I think it’s always worth expressing love, not just for others but for ourselves, which seems to be the harder thing for most of us.