I’m grateful you took time to say so! I figure that if I just keep putting my ideas and honest thoughts out there, somebody’s bound to connect with them. I’m also eager to engage in some reasoned discussion with those who might have a different take on things than I do.
Thanks for commenting. It sustains me.
A basic rule of every real JO club is “Nothing goes inside anybody’s anything.” That would include dildos (duh). It’s not an issue of sex but of health. We don’t want to have to require hospital protocol to keep our members healthy and anything going in and inevitably out of a butt raises the risk level of disease transmission much higher. Not STDs necessarily, just an array of viral and bacterial nasties that bators aren’t necessarily prepared for.
Put simply, NO BUTT STUFF ALLOWED at any JO club. Good luck with CL!
I love the reality of the visibly aroused man. For me, it is the one essential ingredient, the one non-negotiable element of my own sexual engagement. I am not going to have sex with myself or anyone else if I can not clearly and unquestionably perceive excitement.
And a boner isn’t enough for me. I’m a guy who witnesses and interacts with hundreds of erect penises every year and with the advent of boner pills, an erection alone doesn’t convey excitement, only a desire for desire and an overemphasis of the mechanics of sex.
In the beautiful GIF above, I see a man in an extreme state of arousal, not just because of the hard dick, but the pre-cum he plays with, the movement of his belly as he breathes, the ease of his reclining position and the open, relaxed mouth. This man is feeling his penis, is focused easily on his experience in the moment. He is clearly and frankly in a state of welcome and intense arousal.
And I respond in kind. Sitting here, alone in my home office with my husband sleeping in the bedroom, my mind and body react together with that first spark of delicious arousal. I look at this two-second moving image and I am there with him as I’ve been so many times, happily abiding in that softly buzzing state of penis engagement, dopamine seeping into my system making connections between neurons generating emanating pleasure through my being.
For me to enjoy sex with another man, I have to perceive that he is completely there, aroused and motivated to be in that space with me. It’s not about me per se, but about our mutual interest in that experience, right there in the moment.
The human sexual response cycle is a group of stages in a matrix that is, by definition, “sex.” In most models, “arousal” is the first stage and for me, it is The One True Sign that sex is happening—not just imminent, but actually happening. Real, immediate, honest, human arousal. It is the aphrodisiac I crave above all other triggers and without its presence in my playmates, I’m just not going to stay engaged.
Show me your excitement. Let me see it in your eyes, feel it emanating from your body and standing proudly between your legs. Embrace it and love it in that exact moment and share it with me. You show me your arousal and I’ll show you mine.
GIF by the delicious, juicy bear, Filmben.
Use of the word “addicted”
I know some of us use the phrase “chronic addicted masturbator.” And I know some object to the idea that sex is addictive in any form, and I think most psychologists agree it isn’t addictive. But for some of us, the very idea that it MIGHT be addictive is a turn on. So the word has become a fetish for some. Question: Does the idea or word have a positive or negative effect on you? Or none at all?
Here’s how the results lined up:
And here was my written response:
I seem to be in the minority here but you asked so here’s my response…
You know, I respect everyone’s right to use language for the best effect, particularly when it’s about enhancing and maximizing sexual pleasure for themselves and their play mates. I accept that this is a thing for many of my bator brothers, but for me, it has the opposite effect. I hate it.
In 1989, after 14 years of constant and daily drug and alcohol abuse, I began my recovery from drug addiction. I was deeply depressed and suicidal from an absolute inability to stop doing this thing that was killing me. That is, to me, the core characteristic of any true addiction: It’s life made unmanageable through powerlessness over something that is killing us.
It is exciting to assert that we are powerless over the bate, but I am far more excited by the knowledge that I choose to masturbate, to indulge and cultivate my sexual desire and gift myself with time and focus purely for sexual pleasure and satisfaction. I carry with me every day the living knowledge that I am a sexually vital man, feeling living exuberance radiating from my penis and infusing my moments with fundamental joy.
Masturbation is my purest sexual expression and the sex I share with others is an extension of that, would be much less connected without it. Masturbation enhances and celebrates my life. It is me expressing gratitude for my manhood, the life I have, just as it is, and my capacity to make it better by committing to it.
That’s not addiction. That’s its opposite.
I know you didn’t come to bateworld to read this kind of thing, or to read anyone’s opinion of your jam being wrong somehow. You visit BW to enhance and share and magnify your masturbation. If proclaiming yourself a “chronic addicted masturbator” makes you happy, you get to do that! You do you, my brother.
For me, “addict” will always invoke disease, destruction and death. That doesn’t make my dick twitch with excitement. It makes me change the channel.
My last night at Healthy Friction in Palm Springs included about 90 minutes of intense edging and no ejaculation. The next morning, I attended to my penis during the flight home.