That’s a really good idea, and I’ve been writing it for a while. It’s part of my book on the history and culture of jack-off clubs. The question for me is, do I want to give that advice now or wait to publish it in print?
Let me think about it.
Confession: I love spontaneous public sex.
To be clear, I have granted myself permission to enjoy random sex play with strangers when the opportunities arise. For the most part, this involves exhibition and mutual masturbation in men’s rooms, saunas and public showers. I find it specifically exciting, energizing and satisfying and I’ve consciously abandoned guilt for enjoying this.
Sometimes, I do more than show off and stroke cock with strangers. Sometimes–when situations and individuals involved warrant it–I will give or receive head. This all leaves me with…
Conflict: I don’t want to encourage anyone to do anything dangerous and there is a lot of danger in public sex. I hesitate to even admit this because I’m an open advocate of mutual sexual respect, that being sex-positive includes accommodating the rights of others to feel comfortable in a sex-free space either public or private. I believe consent is the essential key to a successful and enriching sex life and the man rushing into an unexpected sex scene in a public bathroom when he just needs to take a piss and get to his meeting on time has not given his consent.
And there’s the little issue of getting caught and labeled a sex offender and living with that public designation for the rest of one’s life. So this isn’t something I indulge in more than rarely, but when I stumble upon it, my first reaction is not an automatic “no.” In many circumstances, I am “yes” waiting to happen.
And then there’s the risk of picking up an STI from the random du jour to consider…
Calculated Risk: We all take risks every day. We eat in restaurants, risking food-borne infections. We smoke and drink. We get on a bus or in a car or on a bike. We shake hands with strangers. We calculate consequences against benefits all the time. Sex is one of those things we load up with morality and give more weight than the other risks we take day-in and day-out but really, sexual risks are just more of the same cost/benefit analyses we make every day.
I’ve accepted the risks of public sex because of the benefits I receive: Sexual satisfaction, intense pleasure, a sense of being part of something bigger, affirmation of my human animal sex drive, the thrill of novelty and the simple admission that some things turn me on more than others and that I can actually have those things.
My rules for mitigation get a little complicated because I have put myself at risk of STI repeatedly over the years and I never want to be the one giving a dose to a lover, stranger or friend. I’ve covered the HIV issue with daily PrEP, but whenever I go further than jacking off, even if it’s just a momentary taste of delicious glans, I know I’m starting a 4- to 6-week period of penetration-free play as I wait to get an STI test result. Yes, I actually do that. It helps that I genuinely enjoy so much non-penetrative play on the regular.
So if anyone receives my cock anywhere other than in their hand, you should know it has been given a clear bill of health… and that you’ll be the last risk I take for another month. But make no mistake, I’m no angel. I’m just mitigating risk and working with the risks inherent in a lifestyle that includes sexual pleasure and novelty.
(I assume the question is in response to this post.)
Thank you! I deliberately keep my blog focused on the written word rather than images, but I will certainly be posting more clips in the future.
There is no such thing as “The Ideal Man.” There is only my ideal man… for the moment. Ideals change and every individual has their own.
This is Kyle, my ideal man of the moment.
The Number One Question I receive by far is this: “Is there a JO club near me?”
There are three responses I almost always give:
There are men all over the country who are actively looking for bate buddies. There are not a lot of JO clubs, but you can probably find somebody if you keep looking. Just be as safe as you can be.
A lot of people have asked this question since Dan popularized the phrase. Even though he has walked it back and now reminds everyone to not call it that, he still gives the same advice and I agree: You have to deny your dick the familiar stimulus until your brain forges new neural pathways.
That means you may have to go without orgasms for a while, but stick with it. Do anything but what you’re addicted to and your need to cum will eventually find a way. It is very, very hard to break some habits. Just keep trying until you make it.
Here are some relevant resources for you. Both should be helpful: