It makes sense to me that any particular guy would want to make sure that the person he might have sex with is the “type” of person he will find attractive. I don’t consider that a prejudice. It’s about understanding your own turn-ons and turn-offs and drawing upon experience to choose what works…
I appreciate the way some of my online members will react with disdain when another guy posts images of really buff, young, sexmodel kinds of twinks, but I think it’s just fine (as long as they don’t fuck or suck… because, hello! it’s a jackers’ group).
If a man is really into 20 year-old white guys with no hair on their bodies, or 60 year-old bears or middle-eastern men or Arab men or redheads with uncut, 4-inch cocks that curve downward… I think it’s all awesome. Of course, the more specific the type, the less abundant the opportunities, but each man has his body and it is wired the way it is wired.
Which is the primary reason I am a firm believer in strict non-discrimination policies for jack-off clubs. It’s not that I think that any group that vets and filters every member for any laundry list of criteria is doomed to failure, it’s just that I can not know in advance, nor can I dictate for someone else, what is hot and what is not.
So the club I run has very simple qualifications for membership:
- You have to be a natural-born male with a fully-functioning penis of your very own.
- You have to be of legal age (18 and over in Washington State).
- You have to agree to play by our rules.
And that’s it. Our members can have any kind of body, be any legal age, have any sort of endowment, be of any race, have any religion, identify with whatever sexual orientation fits them… As long as they are an adult man and willing to play by the rules, they can join the club.
This non-discrimination thing can be a bone of contention for some men used to shopping for sex online, where you have a whole catalog of mantypes to choose from. It doesn’t take long to decide what your type is, what kind of contacts you desire, how you want to communicate, where you want to connect and what you want to do there… You get to apply all kinds of filters as a solitary cruiser on the Net.
A JO club is not in cyberspace, though. It is an old-fashioned, meat-space community. It’s a gathering of bodies and minds in the flesh, where your filtering mechanisms include simply declining a partner by saying, “no thanks."
Any guy will probably want to see others like himself in the room so he doesn’t feel alone, but the guys he wants to play with may be a completely different kind of man than himself. No individual among us can guess what every other individual might want. Neither I nor anyone else can successfully determine what is hot for every other guy in the room. It’s impossible unless your club is really, really small. To maintain the likelihood that each man is likely to encounter compatible playmates, we have to keep it completely open and let the members decide for themselves.
It also means we treat our members like grown-ups, with the beneficial side-benefit of that encouraging them to act like grown-ups, albeit grown-ups with enthusiastic, unleashed libidos…
The common fear of this community experience of sex is understandably intimidating for people who are used to protocols of common rudeness rather than common courtesy. When you cum in front of someone and the bottom falls out of your intense desire in seconds, you can’t just get up and walk away from the computer or hang up a phone without saying good-bye. You are seen gathering your post-orgasmic energy and wobbling off to get a drink of water and wash up.
And that is completely okay in a JO club. We all experience that sudden wave of deep relaxation, that moment after you were babbling and gasping like a demented bonobo and you cum and squirt and gasp and scream… and a few seconds later, suddenly see how ridiculous we all are at the height of an orgasm, and you get to be okay with that, because everyone else is having that experience to some degree.
A non-discriminating, open and welcoming jack-off club is a social event almost as much as it is a sexual event, and in the process of finding connections that work for us, we sort of re-learn how to behave as interactive sexual beings, since we are, after all, interacting. You find out that it is possible to be in a sexual situation, excited and hungry for touch, and that it is okay to be there, okay to be around naked guys you don’t necessarily want to have sex with, okay to witness and appreciate the ways that different men express their different lust.
And yes, there are other socially sexual situations where this happens, but the specifics of the jack-off club are a recipe for socially civil sexual experience. It reframes things for a couple of hours and in some cases, awakens new understandings of what "hot” is to us. The opportunity to play safely with several different men who we may not have chosen at all had there been only one finalist to make the cut, means that we get to step beyond our invisible prejudices and learn more about ourselves—perhaps redefining hotness for ourselves in ways we never might have considered otherwise.
Writer, singer, baker, Mac geek, production artist, “daddy” and the founder/manager of Rain City Jacks, a non-profit J/O club in Seattle, Washington.