JACKDADDY

Tag: public sex

  • Fucking

    There’s a guy I fuck these days. He’s mostly my type: Hairy, horny, bearded and playful. He’s also one of these guys very into anal sex and specifically being a bottom. For whatever reason, he is into me and into me topping him. It’s a decent FB relationship because there’s mutual attraction. BUT…

    I’m just not all that into fucking. I get tired of it after a while. Pounding deep into another man is fun for me, but it doesn’t really get me off. I almost never orgasm this way. What I enjoy is my partner’s pleasure and that a bottom can get off just from me fucking him. The thing is, I’m being #GGG here, not really going for what I myself enjoy the most from sex. 

    Let’s call him “John” because that’s not his name and it’s as generic as it gets. John hits me up all the time. I like him. If I didn’t like him and his attention, I’d do the fade away or just give him a gentle brush-off. My dick does pop out of my pants fully hard whenever we get together, and he does turn me on. It’s a decent opportunity for sweaty mansex on the regular and I do enjoy it. I just don’t cum with him. I fuck him until he comes, then I just relax with him for a while, chat a bit and then we part ways on good terms. 

    And then I masturbate or get a blow job and release a sperm load made massive from lots of prolonged fucking. 

    Then there’s “Mike,” another pseudonymous friend, for whom I have long held an intense attraction. When I got the opportunity to romp with him, I was once again confronted with a great guy who needed a hard fuck to feel satisfied. I adore this man. We’re Facebook friends and he remains one of my favorite individuals but after finding out that his needs are the needs of the voracious bottom, I’m just not into getting naked with him again. He still turns me on like crazy but when I imagine the follow-through, I lose the drive to make anything happen IRL. If he asked me to fuck him again, I probably would but unless we mixed it up, I know that an orgasm wouldn’t be in the cards and I really like orgasms.

    There have been a very few situations when I actively wanted to fuck a partner and an equally small number of times when I wanted to be fucked. It is, for me, a very rare, very intimate, very particular desire and I’m all for exploring that when it happens. But I genuinely do not experience these specific acts as “mandatory” for the purpose of having great, deeply satisfying sex with another man and I feel sorry for guys whose satisfaction depends on that one act as if nothing else was sex.

    I don’t like to specifically label myself a “masturbator” (at least, not when I’m doing anything other than masturbating) because while that is absolutely one of the things I am, it’s not my defining characteristic. Neither is being a top or a cocksucker. Those identities exist in the fantasies and beliefs of my sex partners. They see me as a top, or a bottom, or a cocksucker, or a bator or whatever… I see myself as a sexually engaged gay man. My goal in this realm is to be a good man for and with other men. That includes being a good lover, whether I’m penetrating another man’s holes or masturbating with strangers at a public urinal. I just want moments to be as good as they can be and for us to get what we need from these multitudes of acts connecting us with each other.

    To masturbate with another man, to share our primary sexual activities with each other, has long felt to me like my easiest path to having sex with just about anybody. Displaying and demonstrating my self-love with another and being given permission to experiment with their most personal pleasure in the moment is my favorite sex, sex in which I almost always orgasm freely and with the most intensity. That’s me.

    And I’m still going to do other things because life is short, different people need different things and I never, ever want to find myself in a rut.

  • Public Sex

    Confession: I love spontaneous public sex.

    To be clear, I have granted myself permission to enjoy random sex play with strangers when the opportunities arise. For the most part, this involves exhibition and mutual masturbation in men’s rooms, saunas and public showers. I find it specifically exciting, energizing and satisfying and I’ve consciously abandoned guilt for enjoying this.

    Sometimes, I do more than show off and stroke cock with strangers. Sometimes–when situations and individuals involved warrant it–I will give or receive head. This all leaves me with…

    Conflict: I don’t want to encourage anyone to do anything dangerous and there is a lot of danger in public sex. I hesitate to even admit this because I’m an open advocate of mutual sexual respect, that being sex-positive includes accommodating the rights of others to feel comfortable in a sex-free space either public or private. I believe consent is the essential key to a successful and enriching sex life and the man rushing into an unexpected sex scene in a public bathroom when he just needs to take a piss and get to his meeting on time has not given his consent.

    And there’s the little issue of getting caught and labeled a sex offender and living with that public designation for the rest of one’s life. So this isn’t something I indulge in more than rarely, but when I stumble upon it, my first reaction is not an automatic “no.” In many circumstances, I am “yes” waiting to happen.

    And then there’s the risk of picking up an STI from the random du jour to consider…

    Calculated Risk: We all take risks every day. We eat in restaurants, risking food-borne infections. We smoke and drink. We get on a bus or in a car or on a bike. We shake hands with strangers. We calculate consequences against benefits all the time. Sex is one of those things we load up with morality and give more weight than the other risks we take day-in and day-out but really, sexual risks are just more of the same cost/benefit analyses we make every day.

    I’ve accepted the risks of public sex because of the benefits I receive: Sexual satisfaction, intense pleasure, a sense of being part of something bigger, affirmation of my human animal sex drive, the thrill of novelty and the simple admission that some things turn me on more than others and that I can actually have those things.

    My rules for mitigation get a little complicated because I have put myself at risk of STI repeatedly over the years and I never want to be the one giving a dose to a lover, stranger or friend. I’ve covered the HIV issue with daily PrEP, but whenever I go further than jacking off, even if it’s just a momentary taste of delicious glans, I know I’m starting a 4- to 6-week period of penetration-free play as I wait to get an STI test result. Yes, I actually do that. It helps that I genuinely enjoy so much non-penetrative play on the regular.

    So if anyone receives my cock anywhere other than in their hand, you should know it has been given a clear bill of health… and that you’ll be the last risk I take for another month. But make no mistake, I’m no angel. I’m just mitigating risk and working with the risks inherent in a lifestyle that includes sexual pleasure and novelty.