Did you know that whatever you can think of, someone is into it sexually? (Isn’t that like Rule 34 of the internet or something?) Once people find other people who are in to their same thing, whole communities are formed (bears, leather daddies, pups, etc). Men who masturbate together are called “bators”.
Bators have their own sexual subculture with rituals, lingo, preferences, etc that often aren’t based on classically hetero-normative ideas of dom/sub or top/bottom. The lingo is one part frat, one part Masonic lodge, and one part temple whore, which might give a hint to what bator men value – intimacy, brotherhood and a celebration of sexuality related mostly to the penis and masturbation.
Like other sexual subcultures, the more people that become interested add something to the mix and the culture evolves. Some bators identify as solosexual, and are only into masturbating themselves. Others are into mutual masturbation with one or more partners. Some bators enjoy giving or getting oral stimulation, and still others enjoy anal stimulation while masturbating. There are bators who enjoy edging (stimulating themsleves as long as they can) and there are bators into cum denial (edging with the goal being NOT to ejaculate or orgasm to completion).
Bate culture also has other terms for various activities that can happen when one or more men masturbate. Some bators enjoy gooning, a trance or meditative state- tongue hanging out, wild-eyed grunting and groaning incoherently. Sometimes this overlaps with something called monkeybating, which is gooning (faces and sounds) to the point of tapping into some really primal part of yourself where you lose all sexual shame you’ve been taught and just enjoy the pleasure derived from your penis. (Note to gooners and monkeybators – this is just an intro piece, I’ll post more on gooning later!)
Various jerk off parties have sprung up around the country, from the perennial New York Jacks to smaller informal house parties or even smaller groups.The rules of engagement usually involve an agreement of no penetration and no drug use, though individual bators or specific parties may arrange group events where oral is allowed, or poppers/weed use, for example. But most Jacks parties will draw crowds of men into various levels of comfort and exploration with bate culture, from the very new to the seasoned veterans (sometimes into “coaching”).
Poppers, (originally amyl nitrite) were originally used as a medication to relieve chest pain. Poppers dilate the blood vessels, giving you a rush of stimulation to wherever you happen to be focused. Some people enjoy poppers to relax for anal activity while some bators use them to focus the pleasure to the penis, called popperbating. While relatively harmless, poppers can cause a drop in blood pressure, and should not be used with viagra or any other medications that might also affect blood pressure, or by people who already have blood pressure problems.
Like poppers, some bators enjoy smoking weed or cigarettes while bating, either as a sexually charged act in and of itself and/or because of the pleasure derived from the substance. This can also be said of poppers, alcohol and other substances, though again, many Jacks parties do not welcome the use of substances that might detract from the camaraderie and focus of the event.
Many find that bator culture transcends hetero/homo/bi sorts of labels, similar to fetish or kink communities that aren’t really about the sex of your partner. There are men who enjoy masturbating together who identify as gay, queer, bisexual, pansexual, awesomesexual, asexual, heteroflexible, heterosexual, questioning, curious, confused and probably hundreds of other terms. What bators generally can agree on, however, is that masturbation can be celebrated as enriching a sexual activity as any other, and the best part is that you have all of the basic equipment.
While many bators adopt a sort of dude/bro language, don’t let that language fool you – bating isn’t about normalizing any one particular sexual identity or male chauvinism or even about bro culture. If anything, it’s an acknowledgment and a reclamation of brotherhood and fraternity in the truest sense of the words. Some folks (women who masturbate together?) might celebrate the sex goddess within and find empowerment in that, which is rad- and bator men have an overarching brotherhood, with smaller, deeper brotherhoods and groups within bate culture, which is also pretty radical.
So for the curious among you, here’s your first bator expression – Hail Penis – because if anything needs to be worshipped, it’s your own cock. You’ll find this expression useful when you’re so transfixed on your penis that words begin to fail you and you just start to babble about penis. http://popperpig.net
I’m proud to masturbate. #realmenmasturbate #bateproud #bateevangelist
Writer, singer, baker, Mac geek, production artist, “daddy” and the founder/manager of Rain City Jacks, a non-profit J/O club in Seattle, Washington.