I always meant to write to you to tell you that because of your blog, I found my own stroke buddy a couple of years ago. We only meet and hang out a few times a year, but when we do, it’s fun. 😉
This guy was the first (and probably only guy) I’ve experimented with, and I’m so thankful that I sought out the opportunity. Prior to finding a safe stroke bud to experiment with, I was always at least a little insecure about my sexuality.
Now, I’ve basically tried pretty much everything I was always curious about. Some things I liked, other things weren’t for me. But I gave myself permission to let go of all the fucking stigmas and just experience what I’ve always wondered about.
It was literally a transformative experience. And I’m a much more confident man for it. I’m so much more intimately familiar with MYSELF, and I love myself for everything that I am. Because in experiencing those things, I learned that whatever I wanted to do “was just fine”, and the world didn’t end. It was like, “huh… Wow… That was cool. AND fun. And I’m pretty much the same person I was before. Soooo… No big deal.”
Ironically, that epiphany WAS a big deal, at it was exactly what I needed to solidify who I was.
The benefit to my relationships and sexual confidence is profound. When you let go of preconceived notions, what you end up with can be very different than the stuff you made up in your head. I guess the most accurate “category” I can describe myself is heteroflexible. And even then, it’s a little more complex to explain (as everyone’s singular sexuality can be rather unique if you try to break everything down and unpack everything out of the arbitrary box). I’d only really ever experiment with my stroke bud if I ever get a curiosity to try something new.
But if I ever found another stroke buddy (which would be cool), I know myself now to understand that I’d be best served to keep it as male bonding through stroke, and that’s it.
My romantic preference is women, investing that duality of emotional and physical connections. But I also really enjoy male bonding in the way of enjoying porn from time to time. Doesn’t have to be more complicated than that. And it really opens the door for future experimentation such as threesomes and moresomes. And I can appreciate and confidently tell another man whether they look attractive without feeling creepy or weird about it. I’ve complimented my male coworkers numerous times on their style or if I noticed that they’ve been working out; they always took it as a compliment, and not some kind of insecure advance.
A big part of their acceptance is that I’m secure and confident – and they feel it, and are able to also mimic that secure and confident energy.
So it goes without saying that knowing myself much more intimately has helped my friendships with my male friends tremendously, because now I really understand my feelings much more, and I’m unafraid of building intimate bonds with my bros without worrying about it being “weird”. A strong emotional connection is a strong emotional connection should transcend gender – and it doesn’t HAVE to be sexual. And even if it goes there, so the fuck what?
We’re human beings, and we’re all designed to connect in every way, no matter what kind of physical equipment you were born with.
Anyway, just like my blog, I could keep going all night. I just needed to do my part and tell you about another “success story” that was inspired from stories told through your blog. More men should allow themselves to jump in, have fun, and just see which part of the pool they love to swim in most.
Wow. Thank you so damn much for this. This is hands-down one of the VERY best messages I’ve ever received, from a FFollower who has requested to remain anonymous. I swear, FY!FF has some of the most evolved, heart-centered FFollowers on tumblr (and on the interwebz) and I’m grateful for each and every one of you. It’s notes like these that solidify why I’ve been doing this thing for FIVE years now. This shit means the world, man. And I’m even MORE happy for you and how confidently and assuredly you speak of your experiences and sexuality.
And what’s awesome is the ripple effect your actions create: just because you are shining your own light so brightly and confidently, you unconsciously give other men permission to do the same. Men who’ve never even heard of FY!FF, and may never hear of it. When they see other men walking in their power like you now are, they think, “wow, I want what that dude has!” That’s what this is all about. We are all connected. And we’re all in this together. Thanks for joining me on this journey, my friends. Love y’all, mean it.
This post rings true for me, although I’m aware that I don’t have this guy’s capacity to play outside of my sexual identity. The experiences I’ve had with women simply haven’t turned me on and still don’t. Still, what I’ve observed in men who identify as straight and bi, men who come to JO clubs and masturbate with other men, bears out this capacity to experience sexual pleasure and personal connection with other men regardless of identity alone. For certain levels of sexual play, I no longer believe it is necessary or honest to claim that one is gay in order to enjoy that play and benefit from it beyond pleasure alone.
I’ve thought for a while that human nature is both more complex than we imagine it to be, and more simple. The bottom line for me is that individuals can free themselves of doubt, shame and worry by simply trying those things which we’re both attracted to and frightened of. We want them simply because we want them but we fear them because they threaten an idea of who we are that stands in the way of being who we are.
Writer, singer, baker, Mac geek, production artist, “daddy” and the founder/manager of Rain City Jacks, a non-profit J/O club in Seattle, Washington.