… and why I keep it alive.
Short answer: I started a jack-off club because I wanted to go to a jack-off club and there wasn’t one.
I wasn’t trying to provide safer sex for the community, or to protect myself from getting HIV. I just wanted to be naked with lots of other guys in a place where masturbating ourselves and each other was completely okay. I did it because I love penis and the connections I experience when penises are openly displayed and engaged.
I don’t identify as a solosexual. I’m not generally content to derive all my sexual pleasure from self-love. I crave connection with other men through sex. I experience a broad array of different connections with my fellow men through sex and the sex I have with them fits the situation, the chemistry and compatibility of each of us. Some men I want to fuck. Some men I want to be fucked by. Some men I want to touch all over, or kiss. Some men I want to curl up with and sleep.
But masturbation? I want to jack off with nearly every man. Jacking off together feels like natural mediation, dissolving racial and class status, age and even intelligence… to a point. All I need is trust, a perception that we both like each other, and for the juices of sexual response to be flowing. If we’re hot, we’re hot.
Over time and with lots of experience, I recognized that jacking off with other men is more than just sexual. It’s social. It’s intimate. It’s peaceful and peace-making. It’s a spontaneous catalyst for community. It’s an opportunity to revive the suppressed, innate joy of simple sexual pleasure. It’s a path to healing from cultural conditioning to hide our bodies, bury our libidos and reserve our sexual selves for precious few sanctioned contexts. Simply being naked, erect, exposed in my excitement and willing to share it; and witnessing my fellow men shedding their barriers in the same way, makes me feel more authentically human than anything else. It’s primordial and powerful.
Unlike penetrative sex, masturbation is accessible to nearly everyone and holds virtually no negative consequences except those imposed from without.
From infancy, we learned to not touch ourselves. As babies we learned to hide our bodies. As children we learned, “There is a time (rarely) and place (seclusion)” for physical self discovery and self love. Our conditioning is so complete and so subtle and established so early, we can’t possibly remember how we got this way… But we have in fact—as a civilization of domesticated, sex-driven apes—found ourselves this way: Fundamentally sexually blocked.
It can and should be better than it is and I see JO clubs as one of the paths out of our state of being civilized-to-death. I’m grateful to have taken steps toward reclaiming the joy of my penis’ capacity for pleasure that’s integrated with my whole life, not separated from it. I’m proud and happy to be luring a few of my fellow apes along with me.
If you have a penis and you’ve yet to experience a jack-off club, go to one. Break through that wall of nervousness. Find out why you’re nervous. Maybe it’s just your real sexual self, incredibly excited at the prospect of getting to come out and play at long last, thrilled at the opportunity to be exposed, touched and affectionately brought back out.
We are highly sexual animals but we’re conditioned to conceal our most joyful energy in a costume of civilization every minute of our lives. Give it a rest. Just give yourself a chance to be naked and jacking off with your fellow men for a little while.
I’m better when you play along.
I thrive on your comments and questions. Please help stimulate my creativity and engage with me in the comments section below. Use the area marked “Join the conversation…” or “Start the conversation…”
Writer, singer, baker, Mac geek, production artist, “daddy” and the founder/manager of Rain City Jacks, a non-profit J/O club in Seattle, Washington.