Rambling – December 23, 2013

I want to experiment more with abstinence, at least for more than 24 hours. I don’t just mean neglecting to masturbate, but deliberately, mindfully choosing not to masturbate.

Currently, I average once a day, often showing up as two orgasms every other day. What I notice is I am less horny overall and I don’t ejaculate as much when I keep up my regular frequency. I would like to experience more desire and less release.

I am not into hardcore solo edging, though. I am too easily distracted and have too many conflicting priorities. I like to do a lot of different things and that means I don’t have more than a half hour to focus on masturbating. The fact is, I’ve got shit to do… Just like Dan Savage says.

My ambition to abstain from masturbating now and then is not about wanting to control myself, or about cum denial. It is about wanting to experience what horny feels like more intensely. I want to want more. I desire more desire.

I am clear on many things, among them is my sexual orientation. I am homosexual, actively attracted to men and male bodies and utterly indifferent to women’s bodies. I am also clear that I do not feel satisfied with solosex alone. I get my greatest sexual pleasure in sharing with other men, sharing my experience and my body.

I am also clear that the excitement of novelty is necessary for me to reach my peak excitement. No mater how much someone turns me on, there will come a point that I will only be able to experience the most intense pleasure with a different, entirely new playmate.

That said, I don’t need to always experience peak excitement. I am happiest, regardless of the situation, when I can just be fully present with another person. Naturally, that almost always ends up being my husband, since there is nobody I love more or whose company I desire more.

I think I will spend the next couple of days mindfully abstinent. I won’t suppress sexual thoughts, but I will pass up the opportunities to masturbate until I feel more desire…

This has been an unedited rambling in the absence of an intentional subject to blog about. Feel free to chime in.

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