[You can file this one under “back to basics” or “duh.”]
I am a bator.
I am not a “model” bator. I am not a “pure” bator or an “addicted” or “compulsive” bator, but I am very much a bator. Here’s what I mean:
I love to masturbate and I embrace masturbation as an important part of my sexuality. For me, the word “bator” also includes a conscious intention to divest myself of all residual shame and embarrassment I may have learned as a child and now claim masturbation as a significant, positive aspect of my complete adult life.
The term “bator” was coined as a sex-positive response to the many derogatory terms previously ascribed to masturbators (“wanker,” “jag-off,” etc.) With the advent of social networks for masturbation lovers, it was natural that fans of masturbation would ultimately want to identify themselves in a way that offered a positive spin.“Bator” is short for masturbator, obviously.
I personally love many forms of sexual expression, all within the constraints of a life of experience. I am a fucker and a cocksucker and a top and a bottom. I am also a bator.
My experience of masturbation is a complete sexual experience for me. It has its own unique characteristics, sensations, challenges and rewards, but it is, in a very fundamental way, part of the bedrock of my sexual self. It is my claim of ownership of my own body, my demonstration of self-acceptance and self-love, my own ecstatic dance of simply loving my life, of gratitude for being alive today.
What started as a simple contraction of the basic term has grown into a point of pride and a badge of self-possession. It is also related to the term “Jacks,” coined in 1980 to describe social masturbators claiming the practice as a fully valid expression of sexuality—as sex in its own right rather than foreplay. At its core, it means, “I masturbate and it’s as valid a sexual experience, as fully satisfying for me as any other sexual expression.”
So I gladly and freely and proudly claim my place at the table of men among the bators. We have rejected the judgement of the narrow-minded and insecure and taken control of our own sex. It is not all we are, but letting go of society’s judgement and proclaiming it is part of reforming that society. It is a new and essential part of coming out. So today, I am again coming out:
I am a bator.
Writer, singer, baker, Mac geek, production artist, “daddy” and the founder/manager of Rain City Jacks, a non-profit J/O club in Seattle, Washington.